The Sick Day Handbook

Book excerpt: We’ve all been there. The alarm goes off, and the thought of your morning commute, a buttoned-up shirt, and e-mail makes you want to cry. You don’t want to go to work—YOU CAN’T. So what’s a 9-to-5er to do? KISS: Keep it Simple, Sickie. "I’m (sniffle) not feeling well, got this scratchy feeling in my throat (cough), think it’d be best for me to sit this one out, boss." Click. Congratulations, you just called in sick and were lying through your down comforter about it. Ahh, the thrill of deceit! Let’s be honest—at least briefly. Sometimes you just need a day. The Sick Day Handbook is your guide to freedom. In Ellie’s words, "This is a course in manipulation . . . This is about lying." Anyone who reads to "the end" and follows Bishop’s creative instructions will have earned their DDD: Doctor of Downright Devious. Filled with symptoms and prescriptions for common illnesses and proper stage-setting techniques to pull off the previously unthinkable Tuesday-after-a-long-weekend call-in (your pregnant friend had the baby!), you’ll have a pool of credible excuses just waiting to be used (scripts included). If you thought it couldn’t get any better—well, read on. Your boss will think you are such a moral person (what a doll . . . taking care of your elderly neighbor and her 3-legged cat all the while suffering from Vertigo and an IBS flare-up) he’ll practically beg you to take a day off! So what are you waiting for, nervous dialers? Get your slippers on—daytime television awaits you. Learn our tricks and no one will ever doubt your "flu" again!