Extinct for a Reason

Book excerpt: In the proud tradition of the Center for Failimological Research, an illustrated field guide to animals who’ve become extinct—for good reason—including the Bipolar Bear, Neapolitan Zebra, and Combover Eagle. Before there was Darwin, before there was man’s best friend, there were . . . Failimals. The Royal Failimal Society presents the Unchameleon, Bipolar Bear, Emo Emu, and other Darwin-defiant animals that, though fascinating, have clearly become extinct for a reason. The culmination of years of research, study, and observation across each continent and every era, Extinct for a Reason is the definitive field guide to the hows, whys, and whats of Failimals and Evolosers. With colorful illustrations and vital information on everything from mating habits to defense mechanisms, this book is a must-have for any species considering undergoing the evolutionary process. Learn how to avoid common mistakes, such as: Alienating oneself from one's peers (see: Goth Sloth) Refusing to admit one's genes are improperly sized (see: Muffintopotamus) Having dangerously high levels of charisma (see: Elvisaurus) Weeded out but still proud, the curious creatures collected within serve as a warning to ambitious animals everywhere: Evolve with Caution.