Gigantic Death Worm

Book excerpt: It's kind of like that awesome movie, Frozen, you know where there's those people stuck on a ski-lift while surrounded by wolves. But imagine if instead of wolves they were bears. And the bears spit wolves! Like they're fucking grenade launchers or something! It's awesome! And then there's these gigantic death worms that come out of the ground and kill and eat everyone. And they're huge ... big enough to eat breweries and shit. And it's all because of 2012! But, don't worry, there's a bunch of Mexican Ninjas with invisibility ponchos and throwing-sombreros that are going to save the day. They are so badass! And the main character Dave does some stuff, too. He can pull things out of the air, like burgers and Armani suits. He and his friend Worm-Head Girl, along with the Mexican Ninjas, and a veterinarian named LeAnn must try to save Phoenix from total annihilation. But they better hurry up because these gigantic death worms are going to utterly fucking destroy everything in like two seconds!