How to Be a Miserable Failure

Book excerpt: If you're someone who yearns to NOT "get ahead," NOT "grow as a person," and NOT "stay out of prison," then this book is for you! Contained within these shitty pages is a step-by-step guide for completely and utterly destroying your own life. By choosing to study and faithfully follow the methods outlined within this text, you are essentially discontinuing any pursuit of traditional "achievement." This powerful information will teach you how to win... but to "win" at losing. Since you've chosen to read this awful book, you have opted to become the best, at being the worst! Your victories will now come in the form of low credit scores, broken relationships, multiple arrests, helpless addictions, and MANY missed child support payments! Upon completing this book, you will feel the magnificence of being fully miserable! You will experience the freedom that comes with constant failure! Follow the guidelines in the coming pages exactly, and with the appropriate lack of effort, poor decision-making, psychotic behavior, and a little bit of bad luck, you will become what is known as a "Miserable Failure."