I Want to Kill the Dog

Book excerpt: A hilarious book by Richard M. Cohen, the New York Times bestselling author of Blindsided and Strong at the Broken Places, about living with his wife, Meredith Vieira, and her band of difficult dogs. “Has a couple ever gone to war or a spouse moved to another country because a pet came between them? Have two people other than my wife and me ever had such opposing feelings when it comes to domestic animals?” So wonders Richard M. Cohen, who has endured the beasts his wife, Meredith Vieira, has brought into the house to enrich their lives. Despite her unshakable affection for these furry creatures, the various animals have destroyed the serenity of a once calm household. Friends watch in stunned silence as the family frantically struggles to keep peace in this lawless land. Delivery people have fled in fear. Guests have cowered or simply laughed at the hideous shrieks, the current mutt’s stab at intimidation. Then there are the cats that think they are ferocious jungle creatures. Weary of having animals run the show, Richard is fed up. These animals are destroying a home, and the life of one simple soul who seeks only peace and quiet. The King has been overthrown. The Queen and her court have taken over. That would be Meredith and her minions. I Want to Kill the Dog is more than a countercultural ode to those weary of the pet pedestal. It is a portrait of a marriage and of the redemptive power of humor and family when banishing the beast is not an option.