I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can

Book excerpt: Barbara Gordon's groundbreaking memoir tells the extraordinary story of a woman who has it all, or thinks she does-a career as an Emmy-award-winning documentary producer, a man she loves, a world of friends, and a beautiful apartment in Manhattan.But beneath the façade, Barbara's life is spinning out of control. In spite of the pills prescribed by her doctor, a nameless terror disrupting her daily life intensifies until she is besieged by crippling anxiety attacks. A formerly strong, independent, successful woman, Barbara's life becomes a nightmare of paralysis and fear.When Barbara finds herself unable to leave her apartment or walk the streets of New York alone, she decides to take charge of her life. She doesn't want pills, she wants answers. Instead of ending her fears, quitting the medicine leads to the unraveling of what she thought was her perfect life, and Barbara becomes a casualty of a flawed and inept mental health system. Barbara had often spoken for the voiceless in her films, but she suddenly finds herself powerless, without a voice of her own. Though she feels frightened and misunderstood, the tenderness and love of another young patient, Jim, helps Barbara rediscover her voice and her identity.In the years since her memoir was first published, thousands of readers all over the world have read her book, followed her descent into hell, traveled with her along the bumpy road to recovery, and celebrated as she creates a new life. I'm Dancing As Fast As I Can is a strikingly honest look at a life gone off the rails. Throughout her journey, Gordon's hope and strength make her an incredible heroine worth rooting for.