Living in Difficult Relationships

Book excerpt: Peter Kalellis, a practicing psychotherapist and family counselor, offers here practical advice for spouses or those in a committed relationship that clarifies the potential within each person to make their marriage or relationship better. A good marriage begins with a man and w woman who form a loving relationship, psychologically sound, that provides stability, financial security, and material benefits. A serious relationship consists of personal needs, attitudes, ambitions, expectations and issues that require solutions. Emphasis is placed on what one partner does and how the other responds. Feelings and attitudes, both conscious and unconscious, are gradually revealed, and reciprocal attention must be paid so they do not become obstacles in the relationship. The purpose of reciprocity is to bring emotional stability and happiness to both partners. The degree of satisfaction that each spouse derives from the other and the relationship depend on how well expectations are met. Most people pursue physical pleasures or various forms of self-gratification. "When I obtain this or am free of that--then I will be okay." Invariably, any satisfaction that we obtain--accumulation of material wealth or physical pleasure--is short-lived and usually is projected onto the future. This mindset creates the illusion of happiness in the married life. True happiness can be attained as each spouse faces the realities of marriage, and takes personal responsibility of his or her part. This book provides tools for a better relationship and suggests that the couple become aware of God's presence in their life. As our world is going through critical times, couples begin to realize that there is no satisfactory answer in whatever options society offers. But most people find comfort in returning to God, who is the sources of life and provider of all good things. +