Narcissistic Predicaments

Book excerpt: PLEASING GOD WHILE PROTECTING YOURSELF Adult Children of narcissistic families often find themselves in predicaments that people with normal families never have to face. They spend a lifetime being stuck in no-win situations, forced to make uncomfortable choices, and then being made to live through the consequences with no support and no appreciation. Offering encouragement, comfort and wisdom, and filled with helpful suggestions, step-by-step guides, and just-right scripture verses, Narcissistic Predicaments is exactly what you need to help you set boundaries and free yourself in accordance with biblical principles. Including The 21 Rules of No Contact and 102 Questions to Ask Yourself When Deciding Whether to End an Abusive Relationship, here are the answers you’ve been looking for. When you try to set boundaries, have you been accused of not being a “good Christian,” because: *You are not honoring your father and mother? *You have to “forgive and forget,” even though your relatives refuse to stop their abuse? *You must forgive unrepentant evildoers because Jesus said “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do?” *You are taking revenge by enforcing consequences? *You have to “love your enemies?” In Narcissistic Predicaments, the author will help you let go of the guilt, learn effective strategies for protecting yourself, and find out what the Bible really says about dilemmas such as: *Should you let your estranged relatives have contact with your children? *Dealing with the family meddler who tries to intervene between you and your abuser *Working in the family business *What to expect when you upset the apple cart by getting married *What to do about holidays, weddings, and family celebrations *Does your abuser’s apology automatically cover those who took her side against you? *What to expect from estranged relatives who want to drag you back in *Reconciling on your terms, not theirs *If you leave, who will take care of your abusive parents in their old age? *Visiting a dying abuser *When your abuser or estranged relative dies- funerals, condolences, obituaries Just as a single narcissistic abuser refuses to allow others their autonomy apart from him, the narcissistic family does not see and accept its members as separate individuals. The uniqueness of each person and their differences are not celebrated. Instead, individuality and free-thinking are perceived as threatening and not allowed. Anyone who breaks from the group mentality will be shut up or shunned. There is one way of thinking, one opinion for all. If you offend one of them, you offend them all. If you set a boundary and say something to one, it’s as if you said it to the whole clan. If one is mad at you, they’re all mad at you. If one isn’t speaking to you, they’re all not speaking to you. And if one suddenly decides that they are speaking to you again, then everybody is speaking to you again. The only wild card they never consider is whether you will want to speak to them again. They simply assume that you will passively go along with whatever the group decides, just like all of them do. In the Bible, God instructs his children on how he wants them to relate to and live in peace with each other. He is not instructing the children of God on how to be loving and forgiving toward, live in peace with, and maintain relationships with the children of Satan. As Christians, we are to take up the full armor of God and fight the dark forces of evil, not peacefully co-exist with them. A breath of fresh air for Adult Children of abusive families, this compelling book will help you find the peace our heavenly Father promised you, His beloved child.