Red, Green, and Sometimes Beige

Book excerpt: Oh, that’s such red-flag behaviour. My love language is physical touch but hers is words of affirmation. But I have an anxious attachment style, I need frequent validation. Sound familiar? If you’ve been on the internet, chances are you’ve definitely heard of flags, trauma bonds, and attachment styles. But what do they even mean? Relationship Coach Kasturi Mahanta explains the common troubles plaguing our relationships from a therapist’s perspective. Through fictionalised accounts of problems she has coached people through, she explains the hows and the whys behind people’s behaviours, especially in romantic relationships—whether it be coping mechanisms, anger, or the invisible emotional labour a partner performs. Armed with exercises for readers to participate in, these chapters help us not only identify certain patterns and behaviours—in our partners and ourselves—but also delve into why they might occur. It aims to equip readers with a better understanding of the root causes of problems so that we may build and ultimately stay in healthy, long-term relationships