Screw Everyone

Book excerpt: Screw Everyone is comedian Ophira Eisenberg’s wisecracking account of how she spent most of her life saying "yes” to everything—and everyone—and how that attitude ultimately helped her overcome her phobia of commitment. Skeptical about long-term relationships, Eisenberg approached dating as a sort of research experiment from early on: she spent her twenties traveling from futon to futon and gathering data, figuring that one day she’d put it all together somehow and build her own perfect Frankenmate. When she met a guy who didn’t fall for the emotionally cavalier facade she’d constructed (a guy who wanted marriage and monogamy), she knew it was time to reevaluate. From her first kiss to saying "I do,” Screw Everyone is an honest, hilarious chronicle of how one woman discovered herself, conquered her fears, and even found the "real thing”, one promiscuous encounter at a time.