Taking the War Out of Our Words

Book excerpt: Whether we are dealing with a rude clerk, our child saying, "That's not fair ," our spouse ignoring us, or an uncooperative co-worker, in our struggle to respond effectively, we often become defensive - sometimes without even realizing it. Despite good intentions, we can become manipulative and controlling, even with those we love most. In this groundbreaking book, Sharon Ellison takes us to the root of our communication problems. She shows us how defensiveness functions in our lives and can lead to hurtful power struggles, outlining the six basic patterns we use: * Self-Betrayal * Avoidance * Excuses * Sabotage * Vindictiveness * Blame Using her Powerful, Non-Defensive Communication process, you can express yourself with a compelling blend of vulnerability and honesty. Learn to: * Ask disarming questions that prompt others to drop their defenses and open up * Give direct feedback to others without being judgmental * Express your own beliefs, feelings, and ideas passionately without being adversarial, so you can be heard and respected * Set firm boundaries that create security and clear expectations. "Taking the War Out of Our Words" provides us with vital tools for healing conflict, enhancing self-esteem, becoming more open and spontaneous, strengthening relationships, transforming organizations, and guiding the way toward peace in our global community.