I Don't Want To Be Bad

Book excerpt: In my practice as a psychologist, I have met with hundreds of kids. These kids have come from all kinds of homes, family systems, and backgrounds, and they present with all kinds of challenges. The one thing they have in common is that, deep down, every single child wants to be good. Do they act out to seek attention they do not feel they can get otherwise? Absolutely! Do they choose frustrating behaviors because they don't know better ways of getting their needs met? For sure!So how can we, the adults, help children learn how to manage and communicate their emotions appropriately? Enter this book!This workbook is created for use by professionals who work with children with emotional and behavioral issues and the adults who love and care for those children. It is intended for use in a clinical context, or by teachers who are trying to implement trauma-informed resources in their classroom. The activities and tools provided here are designed for children from approximately age 5-12. Although teens could also benefit from these skills, the language used is geared toward a younger audience.These tools are presented to help kids learn skills for self-regulation, mindfulness, and communication of feelings. The order provided is intended to allow children to build upon skills they have already learned. Although this order is recommended, professionals can use their discretion about what tools will be most helpful at a given time. This book is designed to help kids get in touch with their feelings and share these feelings in an appropriate and effective way.Although this book was written with kids with mental health challenges in mind, many of these activities can benefit anyone! What child hasn't had a day when they need to focus on slowing down and taking big breaths?The book starts with tools to help parents implement these skills in their home, then introduces relaxation exercises to help kids calm their bodies when they are escalated. It then progresses into teaching them how to identify what is going on inside of their bodies, even when they might not have a specific name for that feeling. Next, it helps kids put names to what they are experiencing and practice asking for what they need. (As adults, we need to be aware of when kids are communicating needs to us so that they learn that we respond and are there to help them!) Finally, using mindfulness and cognitive behavioral techniques, this book provides resources to help kids cope with negative feelings and thoughts safely and effectively.In my psychology practice, I work with kids who have a hard time expressing their feelings every day. A common complaint I hear is, "Why do I feel this way? I don't have a reason to feel sad/angry/upset!" I like to say, "If feelings were logical, I would be out of a job." No feeling is inherently "good" or "bad," but some feelings are unpleasant and can seem irrational or even shameful. The activities in this book will help kids to not only understand and communicate their feelings, but it encourages them to develop a healthy relationship with their emotions, even when those emotions are unpleasant.I can't promise no bad days, but I can help provide the tools to make those days bearable!