It's My Party, I'll Cry If I Want To

Book excerpt: My autobiography, 'It's my party, I'll cry if I want to', is a personal account of trauma, mental illness, treatment and recovery. The story starts with me, aged 13, when I was brutally raped at an adventure weekend. It follows with my experience of emergency medical and police intervention, which failed to reach a conviction, solely because I became too unwell to give evidence and attend a trial. This lack of resolution and injustice left me with a severe case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which quickly developed into Psychotic illness. I describe how the trauma I suffered turned my world into turmoil and how I was affected, and in particular, my mental health. A number of evocative scenes describe in detail my battle with self-harm and also delves into my mind during severe psychotic episodes, including one which lead to me being detained in Police custody for my own safety. The story follows me through school, through my GCSE's and A levels, through my undergraduate degree at university, through four psychiatric inpatient admissions and through my continued treatment within the community. My battle against mental illness is explored and my experiences as a mental health service user, many of which failed me, are highlighted. Intertwined with my own story are my interpretations of the stories of other 'mad campers' who I met along my journey with mental illness. Between the horrors of my experiences are flashes of humour, happiness and hope. The story ends with me, aged 21, at the celebration of my birthday: an occasion I, and others, thought we'd never see.