The Warlizard Chronicles

Book excerpt: My new fianc�e Betty and I were sitting on the couch, watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show when she looked over at me and casually said, "My first orgasm came from a dog." As I sat there stunned, trying to control my reactions and collect myself, I had two immediate thoughts: 1. Now I know why my dog likes her better. 2. I wish this were the worst thing she'd ever told me. And so begins the descent into the crazy improbable world of Warlizard, an average guy with an exceptional life. With no excuses and no apologies, Warlizard lives his life by one simple rule - "If opportunity knocks, answer the door." Gulf War Veteran, womanizer and serial troublemaker, sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses, but his stories are outlandish, extreme, fast-paced and funny as hell. Some actual reader feedback: - "You tell all women that story? You should wash out your mouth!" - "I think I could listen to your stories for hours." - "So you owe your marriage to the people who brought down the world trade center?" - "I have nothing else I can add or ask, except MORE STORIES." - "Holy s**t. I wish I was you." - "Man, you're an inspiration, seriously. F*** Tucker Max, you're the real s**t. I'm sure to remember your stories whenever there's a choice to do some crazy s**t. I used to say I'd do it for the lulz, now I'm gonna do it like WarLizard." - "You slept with another man's wife and then lied to him about it, and can say with a straight face it was the right thing to do?" - "Godda***t, I spewed out laughter too loud at work, now I have to leave because everyone knows I'm not doing s**t. F*** this is hilarious, and disconcerting, at the same time." - "He is the most interesting man in the world." - "I feel like a failure reading these stories, they're awesome." - "Your life experience makes me feel good. You good sir are somewhat of a new idol of mine. Nothing much you can do about that. Have a good day sir." - "Warlizard doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis." - "I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that not only a story like this exists but that a Reddit regular would be living it. And it kinda has this enthusiastic 'and then it happened...' moments in it that kinda style like you'd write fiction on the go." - "This guy is either the most creative man in the world or the most interesting man in the world. Either way..."